So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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