you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
