Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
