I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
