You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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