Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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