so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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