life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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