i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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