New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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