Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
