theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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