Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
