i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
