This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
