my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What drink are we having for lunch?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
