He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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