Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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