And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
