I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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