I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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