Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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