I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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