i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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