I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
