If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
