im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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