Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
