either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
