doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
