Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
