The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know her cup size but not her name....
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