she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
