I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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