Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
