a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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