I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
