I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize