you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Still dying that you shit outside
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
