I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
