I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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