not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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