If i come over, it means nothing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize