i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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