i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
