i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
