I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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