My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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