she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
