i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
