dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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