When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
