The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
