OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
