he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
