dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize