oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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