I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
