Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
