Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
