Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
