shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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