i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
