I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
