I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
