Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
