Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do herpes really smell.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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