So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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