Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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