puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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