you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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