Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize