Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
