I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
