New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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