then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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